Banned from Amsterdam University after this lectureHello everyone, let me start by introducing myself. My name is Nelson Maatman, I'm 25 years old and I've been a pedo activist for over 6 years now. One of the first times I publicly spoke about my sexuality, my thoughts, my fears was actually at this university under a pseudoname, and the first time I spoke under my real name was here to, less than a year ago. Time flies when fighting the good fight, even when you're losing.
I'm always happy to be here, always happy to listen to professor Hekma. Dutch universities are one of the last places I can speak frank. So before you get to know me better, let me jump right to it. Let me take you back to the last two decades of the last century.
We're in the late parts of the sexual revolution - although many believed it had just started. Here in the Netherlands pedo's were doing interviews with their young friends, their boyfriends, their girlfriends for radio and the newspapers. Children were being interviewed about their relationships and their sexlife with their adult friend. Political parties from left to right were talking in favor of children and youth rights over their sexuallity, about lowering or abolishing the age of consent, child pornography and erotica was openly sold at every newsstand in the Netherlands.
There were pedo advocacy groups out in the open, pedo outings and movie nights, the Dutch Association for Sexual Revorm (NVSH) even had a group of over a thousand children, mobilized in a group called kindervuistje (childfist), the fist being the sign of resistance, of revolution, of emancipation, fighting for their rights to possess over their own bodies.
I've heard more than a few stories from pedo-activists of those days; where it even happened that parents came over to their houses with their child to see if they could get that experience, if their children wanted that and would make that choice.
The emancipation of pedophiles, the emancipation of children, it was there and it was going to be there for generations to come, or so they thought. An image of a time not so long ago - and while I'm telling you this you probably think I'm making this up. If I hadn't seen the articles, listened to the radio programs and talked to the people who were present: the activists and the children of those days I would possibly not have believed it either.
Of course today that emancipation is further away than it ever has been since the German occupation. During which pedophiles and other sexual minorities fell victim to the holocaust. As quickly as the sexual revolution came for children and pedophiles; even quicker it went away. In june 1994 the International Lesbian and Gay Alliance under pressure from the US ambassador to the United Nations pedophile organisations including founding member NAMBLA, the German Krumme13 and the dutch Martijn Association were banned from the organization; for which the ILGA was promised a consultative status with the UN, which they didn't get.
A decision that came the same week as I happen to be born. A moment that the oppression of sexual minorities grew worse.
Things went from bad to worse quickly after. In 1996 the Belgium Dutroux case shook the world. Often incorrectly linked to pedophilia – forensic psychiatrists time and time again concluded he wasn't pedophilic – it was enough to push to be “though on crime” and it wasn't until 1998 by decision of a court of law that the possession of child pornography became illegal and until 2001 that sexual contact with minors, that was within their will, became illegal.
I grew up in a time of hatred and fear. The first time I realized I was attracted to children was when I was 9. I soon noticed my friends were attracted to adult woman, - I remember their excitement watching the lingerie section of a clothing catalog. My excitement with their excitement, but even more do I remember the crush I had, this amazing feeling of enticement, the warmth and the feeling in my stomach I had for a boy that - even then - wasn't even half my age. I remember cuddling him, how he felt how he smell and the joy we both had.
Naive as I were about the circumstances, clueless to what was about to happen, we got caught. Or more accurately, I did. Luckily enough, as I realize now, by a peer. In that moment I realized how far what I felt was from what was perceived and that what was accepted. At first I broke, I was insecure, but soon after I re-found myself and started resisting. I however got teared in all directions, I had a sexuality I wanted to experience, a fear of what people would think, of what I was and what I would become. I had to resist my bullies and be kinder to everyone else than anyone else. I needed to be helpful and obedient while at the same time hiding everything that was essential to me.
A life I now at 25 wouldn't be able to life and one I then certainly couldn't. So soon, I was 11 at the time, I found myself on a date with death. Broken down and alone, with more friends than any 11-year-old can wish for. Looking at the metal wired noose …. I eventually decided differently and I woke up a different person the next day.
I decided, fuck it, live life short and sweet, then crash and burn. I decided to not let myself be pushed around anymore, but more than that I found myself in more bushes, alleys and boy bedrooms than you can possibly imagine. At only 12-years-old I found myself in a car with another pedo seducing him for dvd's and money, in promise of sex he never got. Then boy after boy passed through my life and very often staying in it for a long time.
Then in 2010 something happened that pushed me back the other way. I was 16 when the cases Benno L and Robert M hit the country. Benno L allegedly had sexual-contact with 98 mentally challenged children and was convicted on 40 counts, and Robert M whom had had contact with up to 50 children, mostly babies and toddlers.
Fear stroke me again, fear of what I COULD become. I realized I was becoming older and the boys weren't. - - I started drinking, and drinking more and drinking so much I hoped I wouldn't wake up the next day. I slowly pulled myself together bit by bit - but when I eventually found myself having been lured into a meeting of victims of sexual abuse – in the church – I decided it was time to quit boys. I started hanging out with a different crowd, we'd play videogames all night, smoke pot, take mushrooms, snort amphetamines.
At this point the timeline, for obvious reasons, becomes a little vague to me. I was one part into that life and one part into the world of activism, it's 6 years ago. Some of my now somewhat older young friends had talked to me and gotten me to quit doing that much drugs and made me love myself again. The fact one of the guys I hung out with decided to jump of a building also made me realize what direction I was heading to.
That spring I was with a friend, who then was 15 and we were hanging out with a group of boys varying in age. And I was totally smitten with a boy of about 11-years-old. It was totally obvious; when near him I started stuttering and did anything I could to win his favor.
It didn't take my friend long to figure it. He told me 7 words that would change my life. And at this point in my story those words aren't going to shock you and it surely wasn't that I didn't already know. But fuck, at this moment suddenly I wasn't the only one who knew anymore. He said to me “Dude, I think you are a pedo”.
So hearing you're a pedo, especially for the first time, that is really scary and confronting shit. Nowadays I'm pretty much used to be called a pedo, although nowadays it's usually “fucking pedo” on which I have trouble to not respond “I wish!”.
But he loved me and accepted me, which is more than can be said for me. I went on a two week bender during which I had sex with a 43-year-old, a 31-year-old and an 18-year-old. I was thinking “please let me feel something for adults” but it did not work. And I know what some of the guys may be thinking “it happened to me to, it's the drinking” but no it was not the drinking.
And no, before you think I'm suggesting otherwise, if you do have a physical response that still doesn't mean you like it or want it. Let me be clear on that.
So after that I sobered up and became an activist within a very short time period, just about 9 months after that I found myself in front of a tv crew being interviewed for 7 hours in a row.
I've spend about 60 hours as a client to sexuologists, 50 of those were with the organization Stop It Now. I felt social pressure, I felt obligated, and not to forget I was very interested to know more and to find out if they could change my mind. I wanted to be convinced I wanted to be wrong, because if I was wrong, life would have made a lot more sense and be a lot easier. The first argument I remember well was “If I let my 5-year-old son choose what to eat for dinner, he'll only eat ice-cream”.
This was her argument to not let children possess over their own bodies, they, according to her and many others don't understand consequences. But there are a couple of things wrong with that argument, first of all, you can still explain to him why it's better to not just eat ice-cream and what the consequence is going to be. And guess what, most children will listen to your advice.
Secondly, shouldn't his choices be adjusted to his capabilities? They should be with sexual contact as well. But why does he, or anyone for that matter, need to be confronted with unlimited amounts of bad choices and no promotion of good choices. Having trouble setting limits isn't a “child-issue” it's a human issue.
But let us not forget the most important thing here; why does he choose ice-cream? Because from the moment he was born, not only did she not educate him and teach him healthy behavior, she also during every instant or processed meal, for every snack, after every dinner, pored him full of sugar, she, as a parent, made him an addict and now she wants to take complete control over him because of the consequences of her actions.
Children make bad choices, adults make bad choices, humans are flawed. Take a look at every election ever, even if you believe at every moment the voters made the right choice still a major part made the wrong one. Just because you're older doesn't make you smarter or more right no matter how hard you want to believe you are better than other people. Children should have the same rights as adults.
But I do hear you thinking: Children deserve more protection. And yes, yes they do. Children deserve to hold less responsibility, they deserve to be helped, to be supported and guided. They do not deserve to not hold the rights over their own bodies, minds and life.
Which brings me to bad argument number two “If we legalize child-adult sexual relationships how are we going to convict people who actually abuse children?” And the first time I heard that I thought “yeah, that's a good argument”.
First of all, nobody, or at least I and everyone I know, wants to legalize abuse. We also don't want to go to a situation where we say “but he said yes, so it was okay”. No of course not, manipulation, not informing your partner, not taking out risks, is inexcusable.
But there are more than enough ways to cover this issue, not to forget that the current law is very ineffective and has a prosecution rate for sexual contact between adults and minors of 0,1%.
On no ground is the law as powerless as it is in the area of sexuality.
But the worst part of being a pedophile in this day and age isn't the lack of sex, intimacy or a relationship. It's even worse to see how adults threat children, the amount of disrespect and oppression and being able to do nothing or very little about it.
But the worst part of being a pedophile is the discrimination.
I've had a very eventful year. It strangely enough started with an annual anti-racism event in March and because of my actions that day this year, during the event, there will be a counter protest against me and I'm somewhat sad – and proud – to say it isn't the first protest against me.
So as I was doing my online activism, which was kind of getting boring, I got asked by an anti-pedo, pretty much a hooligan, to meet up and “talk”. So I told him to meet up with me at Dam Square and surprise surprise, he didn't show up.
But at that moment a march started and I decided to join them and post about it including pictures and video's from my pedo activism account Child Liberation Front. Nothing exciting happened, I got like 30.000 views and that was it. Until two weeks later a right wing talkshow shows one of the video's and a tweet in which I said “Glorifying pedophilia, no need, it's already glorious.”
So that obviously went viral, was like the 15th most talked about subject on Twitter for the next 24 hours, it was kind of an eye-opener. It was a very random event that suddenly got really big and taken completely out of context. It was not so much used to attack me or to even take a look from my point of view; it was simply used as a stick to strike at other parties.
I thought, if an unplanned event can lead to that, what can I archive if I plan things out correctly.
It was time to do something a little bit more serious. The year before, during Pride Amsterdam, I had met up with a group of European activists, so we decided we wanted to do something together. Just before that meet in 2018 I had done a leaflet drop on to the boat of the Human Rights Counsel in a response to a ruling they made earlier that year, about me, in which they ruled it was legal to discriminate against pedophiles and that pedophiles formed a risk in the workplace.
Like I told you before until 1994 pedophiles were part of the International Lesbian and Gay Alliance which just so happened to be 25 years ago. Not only that, but up until 2001 pedophiles were a common partaker in Pride Events in the Netherlands, and not just here. So I started to gather some information from the activists of those days and decided I wanted to inform during Pride Amsterdam about the shared history of the pedophile and the LGBT movement.
I send a e-mail to the Pride Amsterdam organization requesting to have a talk about if there were any options for us to attend and give some information. I thought, even if they just let me leave some folders at a stand somewhere that's fine, that's progress, that's all I ask.
So they responded: No, you're criminals.
So I wrote back: No we certainly aren't, you're mistaking it's perfectly legal to be a pedophile. Please let us discuss this.
So I wrote them again: What you're doing is discriminatory and exactly what they used to do to the gays not so long ago.
Still no response.
I still have a couple of months to go so I decide to file a discrimination complaint with the human rights counsel again. They decided to postpone it till after pride. A week before the Amsterdam Pride week I decide – I'm not gonna wait, I'm gonna protest the fact I'm being discriminated against by Pride. I announce it on Twitter a couple of days before pride week begins and it goes viral, I get hundreds of thousands of views on my account, but people are convinced I'm just bluffing. I put post a picture of the pile of leaflets and soon after they start a European petition asking the mayor of Amsterdam to not let me protest during Pride. The petition eventually got signed a hundred-thousand times. The situation is getting tens, but most people think Pride Amsterdam is a 1 day event.
Almost all the other activists kind of chickened out at this point, only like 2 or 3 other people still want to join me during the Canal Parade, but I decide to show them I'm the one with the biggest cojones. And of course I want to inspire them.
That of course backfired as well.
I'm at the big opening event, the Pride Walk, police is informed I'm there, the Mayor knows. And I'm listening to the speeches being given by the organization and the Mayor herself. They're all talking about how everyone is welcome in Amsterdam, how everyone should be able to be themselves and should be able to love who they want. - So they are starting to royally piss me off.
At that moment I get an e-mail from the biggest news agency in the Netherlands asking me when I'm going to protest. So I send them back: Right now. - A few minutes later it's on every news-website and I see the news hit the organization. There is instant panic they run to security to the police I see them discussing loudly, making all kinds of big hand gestures.
This is the moment that I break down. I already knew that it was quite a dangerous thing to do, I've had hundreds of treats leading up to this and no-body had exactly been friendly. But at that moment I realized I wasn't certain where I was going to be in two hours. Would I be in jail, would I be in the hospital, was I going to be dead? Was I maybe going to be at the beach drinking a cocktail and relaxing?
I build some suspense and set up at the end of the Pride Walk march at Vondel park.
There are 16 police officers set up 30 meters behind me, a crowd of thousands of people comes my way and I start handing out leaflets. Quite soon after the organization and one security guard come towards me ordering me to stop and telling me I'm a criminal and it's illegal for me to protest. Moments later I'm taken away to the police half a dozen photographers are gathered around me and my leaflets are confiscated. The police send me away they order everyone else to rejoin the event and I take of on my bike.
The moment I handed out the first leaflet, till the moment the police took them away, took only two minutes. But it became news from Singapore to the UK, from China to Italy and from Greece to the USA.
Less than an hour after that, I was sitting on the beach enjoying a cocktail.
What an incredible noise that little bit of activism made and you may understand all that commotion but honestly – I don't. So let me read to you the leaflet, the message I had at Pride. And feel free to afterwards take a few with you as a little souvenir.
“All sexual minorities should be welcome at pride. The community should be inclusive and give space to children, youth and people who love them, nepiophiles, pedophiles, hebephiles and ephebephiles. (NPHE). Love knows no age and should be celebrated. It's time to once again support instead of exclude one another. It's been 25 years since NPHE's were officially part of the community. We need to be whole again. Support love!”
It's not a message that is supposed to evoke anger. It shouldn't make people mad. But sadly it does.
I kinda wished the story ended there. But first there of course was the aftermath. A week later there were 90 people protesting, during the Canal Parade, against me, leading to multiple arrests. Two days after that my picture was all over the internet and on posters all over my town. I've actually had to go into hiding for 5 days and everyone around me broke down or broke off all contact.
All because I wish to not be discriminated against, to be allowed to be who I am and to speak up for that what I believe in. 6 weeks later I did the same thing at Rotterdam Pride without announcing it beforehand and there were no incidents and only one local paper wrote about it.
There still was a case with the Human Rights Counsel. I filled a discrimination complaint against Pride Amsterdam for discrimination on the grounds of Homo- and Heterosexuality and political ideology.
My reasoning was: There is no homo- or heterosexuality without a chronophilic attraction. Without attraction to any age group there is no homo- nor heterosexuality. Everyone is nepiophilic (attracted to babies and toddlers), pedophilic (attracted to prepubescent children) hebephilic (attraction to pubecent youth), ephebophilic (attraction to late adulecents), teleiophilic (attraction to adults), mesiophilic (attraction to middle-aged adults) and/or gerontophilic (attraction to the elderly).
If we don't recognize chronophilia as an inherent part of homo- and heterosexuality the anti-discrimination law is completely meaningless, because it would simply also mean there is no protection to people whom are either attracted to adult man or woman.
The second part was political ideology. The goal of the organization I started and represented “Child Liberation Front” was to work towards the emancipation of people of all ages, of pedophiles and of intergenerational relationships. Meaning the emancipation of over 3,5 million people in the Netherlands and billions of people on earth.
According to the council, because parliament explicitly said they wanted to discriminate against pedophiles in the making of the anti-discrimination-law on homo- and heterosexuality I could not file an appeal on that ground.
They also ruled that the movement wasn't political because it didn't represent a wide enough view on the structure of society and government.
So according to them, a movement for the biggest social and electoral renewal since the womans emancipation movement, wasn't wide enough to be considered more than just a stance on a certain issue.
Discrimination laws that are made with the sole purpose of being able to discriminate against minority groups. - Discriminatory anti-discrimination laws. - Let that sink in for a moment.
Two things had happened in the meanwhile, I found out the police had an open investigation on me since May, so even before the fuss over Amsterdam Pride, - and a media-slander campaign had started against me and the other intended founding members of the new PNVD political party, - claiming we were continuing the since 2014, wrongfully, banned Martijn Association.
The Martijn Association started out as a magazine that was started from a jail in the Hague in 1982. During it's existence it grew to an often asked source of information and expertise for both pedophiles and government organizations like the police and political parties. As time changed the view of the organization changed and up in 2014 it was banned on grounds of “danger to public order and the physical integrity of children” because they aimed for a decriminalization of relationships between children and adults.
While in my opinion, taking away someones right over their own body is damaging to their “physical integrity”.
We were accused of this because the journalist is of the opinion that it is illegal for us to communicate with others, that it's illegal to discuss the subject, that it is illegal to be of another opinion than the status-quo. Of course without any rebuttal at all, all other media published his uninformed opinions as fact.
As if the fact-free one sided opinions published by main stream media wasn't bad enough; the public prosecutor openly said they were searching for means to prosecute us. So she didn't investigate if we had done something illegal, but if there was a way to prosecute us anyways.
Authoritarianism, majority-tirany and blatant fascism. Seems like an accurate description.
At the time, while I of course was worried about it, I didn't expect much of it. I expected another doomed to fail civil suit or for it to just blow over.
We announced we were going to re-establish the earlier by itself disbanded political party PNVD, the Party for Neighborly Love, Freedom and Diversity; which was often revered to as the pedo-party.
It hit the news early December and was supposed to be officially registered this week.
Because as it turns out I was wrong about what to expect.
Three weeks ago today me and 3 others were illegally raided by the police on suspicion of continuation of the organization Martijn. The reality however is that we were raided for attempting to re-establish the political party. On the day we originally planned to finish the political manifest everything was confiscated - notes, documents, computers, phones, back-up's, archives.
It was apparently not just illegal to continue the organization Martijn, but also to disagree with the status-quo. Disagreeing simply because there is evidence for our claim and no real evidence that we are wrong.
You might think there is evidence that sexual contact between children and adults is harmful but there isn't. Research papers are not only colored, they also simply use inaccurate methods or claim different results than come from the data. Also the current societal influence isn't taken into account.
Not only is it known that social stigma, self identification with victim-hood and simple bullying is harmful, the exciting research simply uses wrong data, methods and result analysis. Take for example the common practices in the research of characteristics of pedophiles. The research is exclusively done comparing prison populations of people who are convicted for sexual contact with minors to the common non-prison, population.
Even the very small samples of non-prison populations are found in therapy groups and other individuals with psychological or social struggles. Not a common population.
Research of offenders however tells us; 87 percent or even more of the prosecuted offenders are non-pedophiles and more than 98 percent of violent offenders are non-pedophiles. But those two pieces of data tell us a lot about the problem. The people who have sexual contact with minors are usually non-pedophiles. They aren't in a loving relationship, they haven't fallen for someone who happens to be a child and whom they love, they weren't people who took the interest of the child at heart.
The rates of children who are harmed are high, yes, but they aren't even above half. Not only that also those researches aren't done properly. If you ask the wrong questions, use the wrong methods or ask the wrong people research doesn't say anything.
The reality is – people who are in a positive healthy relationship don't go to the police and don't show up at health care centers for victims of sexual violence.
If I today go to a center for sexual violence and go ask adult people how horrible the last time they had sex with an adult was from a scale from 1 to 10 we can using the same methods criminalize adult-adult sexual contact.
Yet that is what has happened for research on the harm of adult-child sexual contact. While in reality former loved children look back positive on loving and wanted child-adult relationships.
It's just a small part of one idea within my ideology. My ideology which believes in self-determination and equality. For every individual to posses over their own body and spirit, and to be an equal part of society and the electorate.
Yet the present rulers feel so threatened by those ideas they are breaking down what has been fought for by many generations before us and many people still to this day: Intellectual Freedom, including the freedom of thought and the freedom of speech, democracy and the Rule of Law.
How people on the flanks are treated, how minorities are treated; it says a lot about the state of freedom and democracy. But more importantly the current western governments, and here the Dutch Government, view everything that doesn't confirm or more accurately conform to Political Centrism.
While the reality is we support the system of consensus decision-making and want to safe it. We are trying to protect freedom and counteract the tyranny of the majority. The reality however is that current politicians, current political parties, are mistaking populism and tyranny of the majority; for liberalism.
Under normal circumstances I would most likely end on the note that you should be very critical of common held believes, of the media, and of scientific literature.
That you should not pick battles or sides because they will help you win, but because they are right to pick.
No, these are not normal circumstances.
I've just become the chairman of the party, of the PNVD. The person who we originally intended to be chairman is currently in jail till at least May this year, but possibly years to come. For something that in my opinion should have never been illegal.
And the reality is; that there is a very real possibility that I face a prison sentence of up to a year for my opinions and expressing those opinions.
It's not the sentence that worries me, a year in prison almost sounds like a little holiday. Finally time to write that book I always wanted, wouldn't be the first best seller to be written in prison. Time to buff up a little. And sounds like a hell of a place to make new friends.
What scares me is what it means for progressive idea's, for liberty and for democracy.
What they're saying is that I'm not good enough to be part of the public debate, that I'm not good enough to have my own thoughts, that I'm not good enough to have a decent job or live next door to. What they are saying consciously or unconsciously, is that I'm not good enough to live.
If they say I'm not good enough to have freedom of thought, if they say I'm not good enough to have a decent job or if they say I'm not good enough to live next door to. They are saying consciously or unconsciously, I'm not good enough to exist.
The hatred of pedophiles isn't based on some empirical generalization, it is based rather on an ontological affirmation. It's not the believe that certain people are behind because of environmental or social conditions. It's the affirmation that the very being of a pedophile is inferior.
Make no mistake; None of us is free until all of us are free.
Published on 16 June 2021.
Published on 16 June 2021.
Nelson Maatman, UvA, Universiteit van Amsterdam, Pride, cancel culture, Mensenrechten.nl
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